For today's post in the challenge, I am supposed to offer a piece of advice, so I have chosen to write about friendship. Since you can tell a lot about a person by the people they choose to surround themselves with, I think it fair to say that you should be picky about the people you keep as friends.
Now, I admit freely that I am an introvert, so I am inclined to only keep a few close friends, and that is what works best for me. I have been urged to "open up" and "put myself out there more," but that would be disingenuous to who I am. I am not an extrovert and putting a lot of energy into superficial relationships drains me. I like deep, thought-provoking conversation, and the kind of intimacy that allows silence between friends without any discomfort. I can generally tell very early on who I will click with, and those are the people I gravitate toward.
Sometimes, though, there comes a time when it is necessary to relieve yourself of some of the people you have surrounded yourself with. Perhaps you realize that a particular friend seems only to bring you down, to magnify your sadness when what you really need is a brownie and a chick flick. Or maybe you find that a person lacks the integrity you once believed them to have- you see them act in a hateful or selfish manner in a way that speaks of their character that had only recently come to light. This is when it is time to say goodbye. It is not easy, and may cause pain, but not all friends are meant to be forever. You have a choice. You don't have to be friends with someone who makes you feel bad for not owning a home or having what they deem to be a lousy job. By letting go of the bad, you make room for the good. You create room for a new, more marvelous friendship to blossom.
Above all, do not keep lousy friends for fear of loneliness. I did this in high school and it really jaded me. I didn't want to be alone at lunch, so I hung out with people who treated me as second best. I actually had a friend cancel a sleepover with me because out other friend had suddenly become available. True story. In college, I found real friends, who showed me what it is like to have people in your life who truly care about your well-being and want nothing more than to see you flourish. Hold on to these ones, and when they drift out of your life, cherish the lessons they taught you.
There you have it, my advice for the day. How do you feel about friendship? Do you have any advice to share? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!
Friendship. That crucial critical beautiful thing. I'm single, so my friends are so important to me in my life, they always have been, but I was talking to my best friend yesterday and we both agreed that the older we get the harder we find it to maintain a friendship. Which is crazy.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing I've learned about friendship is to fight for it, because if your friend is crazy, temporarily lost, etc.. they'll come back.. they just need a season to be insane.
that and pick wisely. right?
Yes, picking wisely is key! If you pick the good ones, then you know they're worth fighting for. :)
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ReplyDeleteI think this is excellent advice. And I've been trying to really incorporate it in my own life. I had a hard time letting go... I would hold on too tightly when others were already gone. I think sometimes I go to the other extreme, where I let people go maybe a little too easily now, but I'll find my balance. In the meantime, I do believe that some friends drift out of your life for a season only to return when you both are in a better place. I've always felt I made friends by values more than any other thing and things like honesty, trust, and authenticity have always been important. I think when you have those things, you can always find a way to be friends again. But if we don't, then it's time for both of us to move on, as difficult as that is.
ReplyDeleteBut people grow, people move in different directions, and that's okay. I think the worst thing is to keep trying to hold on and make the friendship into what it was. It's better to just let it be what it is... less hurt feelings, resentment, and struggles that way.