Getting Out: Mirror Lake to Tom, Dick, and Harry Mountain

Mt. Hood in all his glory, with Mirror Lake below.

Yep, that's really what the mountain is called. Every time I told someone where I was going, they asked me if that name was for real. It is, folks.

I was supposed to go on a 12-mile hike on Sunday, but it was postponed, which turned out to be a good thing given the heat. Instead, I went with two stranger-ladies (who were also scheduled to go on the 12-miler) to Mirror Lake. As I've mentioned before, I like doing events through Meetup.com as a way to make new friends, or just find people to do the things I don't want to do alone. Let me tell you, though. Hiking with a small group of strangers can be a bit awkward, given how much time you are spending in seclusion together.

I will get to the hike itself in a minute, but first, I think now is a good time to divulge something about myself (trust me, its relevant to this post). I have dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life, but I did not have a name for those two illnesses until two years ago. I seriously had no clue I was dealing with anxiety until my sister explained to me what she and my younger brother had dealt with, and that it was diagnosed as anxiety. As for the depression, I knew I tended to get sad, especially in the winter, but I did not realize that it did not need to run my life.

The sole creek on the hike.

I bring this up, because I felt those two gremlins creeping in during my hike. I've kept them both at bay ever since I left my horrible job of 5 years last June. No, actually, the anxiety didn't really go away until I released some of my relationship fears earlier this year. I'm well aware of my triggers now, and I do my best to manage and nip the gremlins in the bud when they start to creep back into my life. These monsters are the biggest reason that I am adamant about getting a full night's sleep. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind.

Mirror Lake is in Mt. Hood National Forest, just two miles west of Government Camp. It is a rather isolated spot, the trailhead just on the side of the highway. Despite the popularity of the trail, most of the hike it was just me and these two strangers (both very nice). Something about it all, however, made me feel a bit alone. I don't do well with alone. I'm fine "on my own" but not "alone." There's a difference.

Alone is being in the woods, far from civilization, with only birds and trees and the sky for company. Alone is feeling so far away from anyone that you care two figs about. Alone is standing at the top of a peak, with both the sun and Mt. Hood staring down at you, making you feel so small. Alone is spending  six hours with two people that you don't particularly connect with.

There were lots of rhododendrons.

There is something about a blazing sun that makes me feel alone. I love it, but when the sun is out, I need civilization. I just need to know it's there. I need to know that my sister and nephew are upstairs getting food in the kitchen. I need to know that my friends are nearby, perhaps enjoying an iced coffee or a walk in the neighborhood. I need to know that my fellow bloggers are out there, sharing pictures of their local flora and fauna on Instagram. All of this is ok. It does not mean I can't handle solitude, it just means that I need to feel connection.

This hike reminded me of that. It wasn't the most scenic along the way; it was one of those hikes that is all about the view at the end. And my, what a view! It was a clear day, so we were able to see Mt. Adams. Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Rainier, and Mt. Jefferson in addition to the looming Mt. Hood. And standing up on top of Tom, Dick and Harry Mountain, I felt completely small and alone, in spite of the crowd that had formed.

Oh look, I'm almost the same color as the mountain!

When I was dropped back at my car, I quickly completed some errands (including a frozen custard stop) and headed to my parents' place to make Giardiniera with my mom. It was good to be back in the company of my parents- dad even took me wine tasting. After I was done pickling vegetable (several hours later), I headed home and instead of curling up to watch True Blood, I spent a little time with my sister and nephew, whom I'd missed during the day. It felt good to balance out the hours of loneliness with hours of connection with the people most dear to me.

How do you deal when your gremlins start creeping in?

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