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When you hear the phrase "aim true," what comes to mind?
This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending two of Kathryn Budig's yoga workshops here in Portland. The first workshop was called Aim True, and the second was all about backbends.
In the Aim True workshop, Kathryn started out with a lecture, telling her students about her philosophy behind her yoga. She takes inspiration from the Greek goddess, Artemis, goddess of the moon and the hunt. Kathryn shared with us about a difficult time in her life, and how she came across the prayer of Artemis, which goes as follows:
Artemis, huntress of the moon, make my aim true. Give me goals to seek and the constant determination to achieve them.Grant me communion with nature, allow me to live surrounded by plants and animals that I can grow, protect and nurture.Allow me the strength and wisdom to be my own mistress, not defined by the expectations of others.And sustain my sexuality to be as yours — wild and free as nature itself.
We were advised to bring notebooks to the workshop, and we certainly used them during the lecture. After discussing this idea of aiming true, Kathryn asked us to write in our journals about what aiming true means to us. For me, to aim true is to have clarity of intention, to be authentic, and to be focused.
Upon further thought, I find that aiming true is rather difficult in practice. I am easily distracted, especially when I start comparing where I am at in my life with where other people are at in their lives. This holds especially true when it comes to this blog. I see other blogs growing and growing, seemingly overnight, while mine moves at a slower pace. It is easy for me to get jealous or frustrated.
But I did not get into blogging to be like other bloggers. I got into it in order to write and to inspire. If just one person is inspired by something I have written, then I have hit my mark. This I must remember.
Kathryn then asked us to write down some of our amazing qualities. I admit that I struggled greatly with this one. I have been questioning my talents of late, wondering what it is that I am really good at. Part of this is because I am wondering what my marketable skills are when it comes to my career. I feel like my greatest assets are not exactly the kinds of things you put on a resume: I am an honest writer, I am authentic, I am incredibly sharp, I love deeply, I am very sensitive, I am compassionate, I face my fears. All great qualities to have, but what value do they hold to others, especially when it comes to being paid?
And perhaps that is where my aim is off. Perhaps viewing my assets through the lens of how valuable they are to an employer is making me miss my mark. Instead, my focus should be how I can use these qualities to help others. Let me tell you, this is a hard truth, and I am still uncertain as to what is right.
Finally, Kathryn asked us to consider where we choose fear in life, and she tied this into yoga- asking us which pose we fear the most. Lately, I have been choosing fear when it comes to believing in myself. This morning I woke up with the meanie on my shoulder filling my head with nasty thoughts.
Let me pause here and talk about the meanie on my shoulder. The way I see it, it is a lot like the cartoons- we each have a devil on one shoulder, and an angel on the other. In my case, I like to think of it as the meanie and the cheerleader. The meanie fills me up with nasty thoughts, making me doubt everything about myself. The cheerleader reminds me that I am courageous, smart, beautiful, and that I can have anything I put my mind to. When I listen to the meanie on my shoulder, I am choosing fear.
Back to this morning, the meanie was already filling my head with nasty thoughts when I was approached at work about a mistake that it turns out I have been making for quite a while. It all boils down to not knowing how urgent a particular task was, and I felt absolutely awful when my boss told me. The meanie on my shoulder began telling me that I would be fired, that this was a huge mistake, that I am incompetent, and that I am a complete failure. I was choosing fear.
But you know what? That meanie was wrong. My boss sent me an email letting me know that she thinks I do an amazing job, and wanting to understand how I came by this mistake, whether it was just a misunderstanding in priorities, and if I needed to ask for help with my workload. I was incredibly relieved. Had I chosen to listen to my cheerleader, I could have avoided the anguish of this morning entirely. It was a thought process that did not serve me at all.
After the lecture, Kathryn led us through a great yoga practice, and into some poses I had never tried before. In particular, she led us into firefly pose, which is a bit tricky to get into, and I thought for sure there was no way I'd come anywhere close to doing it. Yep, the meanie on my shoulder was giving me ideas. But you know what? I made it to balancing on my hands in this pose. No, I didn't come into the full realization of the pose, but I was incredibly happy that I made it to my hands. I was stronger than I thought, more balanced than I imagined.
My experiences these past few days have reminded me the importance of aiming true. To stay focused, and remind myself of what my intent is. But above all, I must remain true to myself. As the goddess says, I shall not allow myself to be defined by the expectations of others.
What does aiming true mean to you? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!
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