A good fire needs several things: fuel, air, and a source. You should lay a base of some solid, dry wood, and then maybe top with some smaller pieces of wood as kindling. Add a fire-starter to the pile, and then set it on fire. You can fuel that with some strips of newspaper- those seem to really get the blaze going. To keep the fire blazing for long, you will need to be sure to add more kindling to the fire- a good fire requires tending.
Last week I felt like I had reached a point where my fire was no longer burning. I could see some glowing embers, but I was frustrated as to why the fire had died. So I stepped away from my blog for a bit, in order to tend to the creative fire within. I needed to learn a bit about how to keep a fire going so that I could put it into practice. With this time, I've been able to reflect and re-evaluate what I'm doing with this space, and I'm ready to get the blaze going again..
I realized my fire dwindled because I had gotten too caught up in the game of blogging; it seemed to be what all of the other bloggers were doing. Anyone who has known me very long could tell you I'm not one for playing those kinds of games- the keep up with the Joneses types of games. I love a good board game, but when I feel the competition is stacked against me, I'm likely to quit or throw some kind of fit. I hate competition, and I really hate when things feel unfair.
And blogging began to feel that way. Like on huge popularity contest, where I never even intended to run with that crowd to begin with. I've never been popular. I've never been thin, tan, or blonde enough, and I can only manage to straighten my hair for special occasions. I've also never been able to give up my own beliefs and things I enjoy doing just to take up the beliefs that someone else has dictated as being "cool" and doing the same things that all the other cool kids do. I never was a partier: I had my first alcoholic drink two weeks after my 21st birthday, and to this day have never smoked anything, and I've never seen hard drugs. I'm a square. And I love that about me.
So I got worn out with blogging. My game-playing was getting me nowhere, and I began to feel lost. I'd lost my fire. I realized I didn't want to play the game- that's not what I signed up for. I only ever signed up to be me, to write whatever comes through my fingertips. To share my authentic self, which I do believe I have done thus far. But apparently there's more to blogging than just writing, and that is what has worn me down.
But it doesn't have to. Check the title of this blog.
So now, again, I'm Tossing the Script of blogging. I'm only going to tweet when I feel like it (like if I read something that makes me think of another blogger and I just need to share it with her), and I will only comment on other blog posts when I really connect with what the blogger is saying (which means no more link-ups for me, for now). It's probably not cool of me, but I need to do what is right for me. I need to fuel my own fire, instead of fanning someone else's.
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