Is there something about the holiday season that gives you the humbugs? I'm talking about the thing that every time you hear or see it, you cringe and you just want to snarl, "bah humbug."
For me, it's romance.
Let me clear something up, I am a romantic at heart and love the holidays. But when you don't have someone to share all of the holiday magic with, and you see a bajillion other people who do, you start to feel a bit like a Scrooge.
I know I've been feeling it. If I have to hear of another engagement in the next three weeks, I might lose my appetite for Christmas cookies.
Why do I feel this way? I think there are several parts to this.
One, Christmas romance has been dangled in front of me ever since I was a little girl. There are Christmas songs for lovers (thank you, Mariah Carey), and plenty of movies that celebrate that coming together at Christmas (the new Miracle on 34th Street and even When Harry Met Sally). It's like there has been this promise, that I will get to have magical romance at Christmas.
Which gets me to reason number two: I've never had romance at Christmas. It's always been me, just me. Single. I don't say alone, because I'm not- I'm lucky enough to have a growing family, and Christmas is a pretty big deal to us (at least, Christmas Eve is, and I will get to that in a coming post).
But romance has never been in the picture for me.
So, when I see everyone's cutesy couples pictures in front of the tree, my stomach churns a little. Every engagement is just another carrot dangled in front of my nose (see what you don't have!). Yes, it hurts to see other people enjoying something that you want but don't have. And the trouble, in these super-connected times, is that I see these things all around- Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, and other blogs.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want everyone else to be as lonely as me at Christmas. I just simply want what everyone else has. And sometimes, if I can't have it, I just don't want to see it around me.
I don't want to leave this post on a downer note, though, because I'm not sad, and for once, I'm not lonely (for the most part). I would like to offer a few little tips on coping with holiday loneliness.
Tips for Dealing with Holiday Loneliness
- Make plans. Why wait until you are part of a couple to enjoy things like Zoolights or a holiday show? Grab a friend and get out. Preferably, grab a friend that makes you laugh.
- Send Christmas cards. This weekend I filled out my Christmas cards, and I felt so full doing so. It's hard to feel lonely when you have someone to write to.
- Take yourself on a date. Not kidding. Self dates are the best. My favorite ones involve cheese and wine.
- Laugh at things like this and this
- Put away the laptop and the iPhone. Avoid the source of comparison.
- Avoid the Hallmark and Lifetime Channels. Those romantic movies might just have you guzzling entire bottles of Merlot. Unless you have a great sense of humor and just laugh at how cheesy those movies are, then by all means, knock yourself out.
- Bring an alternative date to your holiday party. One year, my work party was for couples, and I asked if I could bring my sister. Unfortunately, my sister ended up being busy, but I'm glad that I spoke up for myself. Some people don't see the tyranny of the plus one.
- Cuddle a dog. Thankfully, I have my own, so I cuddle her lots. It really helps. Also, dressing her in an ugly Christmas sweater is good for a laugh.
- Reach out. Talk to people. Know that you are worth other people's time and ask for it when you need it.
- Allow people to reach back. Don't shut yourself off when you're feeling lonely, it will only make things worse. One thing always leads to another.
Have you ever experienced holiday loneliness? How do you deal? I'd love to hear form you in the comments below!
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