Cultivating Self-Love: Fabulous Friday (January 10 edition)

TGIF, my friends! I hope you have had a wonderful week, and if not, at least it's Friday, right? I have plans to see some live music tonight, weekend brunch plans, and potential wine tasting. It sure helps to get through the work week when I have an exciting weekend to look forward to!

As I'm sure you are aware (and if not, here's a refresher), I am on a year-long quest to cultivate self-love, and this month I am starting with my spirit. As a way to keep track of my progress, I thought I would use my Fabulous Friday posts to check in and see how I'm doing. Please feel free to join me, if you like!

So, what have I done this week to cultivate love for my spirit? 

• I've been doing a daily morning reading of Jesus Calling, which has one entry for every day of the year. I will have to do a separate post outlining my spiritual beliefs (because they're not traditional), but essentially I was raised Baptist, left the church, but didn't leave behind the Christianity. As I read each devotion, which is written as though Jesus were talking, I replace all references to Jesus with the word Love (because Jesus is love, right?). It makes me see things from the perspective of love. So far, I have kept up with this every day, as well as following up with a very short prayer.
• I've been thinking about how I would describe my spirit, and that will have to be its own blog post as well. It helps me to love something I can describe.
• I've started reading I'm Proud of You by Tim Madigan. My heart is being touched in a big way by this book. Our planet was blessed to have Mr. Rogers grace us with his presence for a time. From what I have read so far, he is an example of a truly godly man, filled with so much love for his neighbor.
• I saw the movie About Time during a girls' night out at the Laurelhurst. I almost started crying when the main character talked about the love he felt when he saw his loved ones loving on his child. Lots of love in this movie, and lots of tears. But so beautiful.
  
• I visited my favorite local bookshop, New Renaissance, and picked up a citrine and a peridot. The citrine is supposed to help balance my 3rd chakra, as well as support self-esteem and abundance. Peridot is good for the heart chakra, and releases resentment while opening the heart for joy. I have felt a great amount of energy emanating from these stones, no joke.
• Also from New Renaissance, I picked up a copy of The Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte. I had actually gone into the shop looking for Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love, but FSS beckoned me, and I heeded the call.
  
• Speaking of The Fire Starter Sessions, I have begun going through it and I am so inspired! I am learning that the way other people do things is not necessarily how I should be doing things.
  
• I met Nicole who blogs at Treasure Tromp for coffee while she was in town! I had such a great time chatting with her- she is about one of the sweetest people I have met (and also has one of the best blogs to sponsor).
• If I could give my spirit a color this week, I would say it is bright yellow. I am inspired, and I feel confident that I am moving in the right direction in my life. 

Tell me about your week, my friends! How have you cultivated love for your spirit this week? Any great plans this weekend? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment About Time, books, cultivating self love, fabulous fridays, happiness, I'm Proud of You, love, spirit, The Fire Starter Sessions

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Accepting: Insecurity

How do you feel about insecurity? It is a trait that is greatly frowned upon and viewed as something shameful. Anyone who has ever been single has been told that insecurity is a big turn-off. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is insecure.

But is that really true? And what does that mean?

First, let's review the definition of insecurity:

Source

Consider the first part of the definition: "uncertainty or anxiety about oneself." Who has never felt that at some point in their life? 

When I look back at my life so far, I can see the times when insecurity plagued me. When I was overweight, I was incredibly insecure about my figure. I still am from time to time, when I look in the mirror and see countless silver wisps across my hips, inner arms, stomach, and breasts. Or when I see that bulge of upper tummy that will never disappear, no matter how strong my abs are, nor how small I become. When I realize that I have never had a young, firm body, and nor will I ever. In theory, these thoughts and feelings mean I should never bare my skin in public.

And yet I do. I wore a bikini while I vacationed in Hawaii, all while questioning if the younger, fitter women were gazing in disgust at my extra skin that comes from losing weight and having poor skin elasticity. Then there are the times I perform belly dance in public, a dance whose very name calls for me to bare the one part of my body about which I feel the most insecure. So perhaps I am not so insecure as I thought.

But then.

There is an insecurity that permeates much deeper than my skin. An insecurity that comes from a deep desire to be loved and valued, not for what is on the outside of me, but for what is inside. I see my value, but I always wonder if others see it.

Making new friends, for instance. After a first or second encounter with a potential new friend, I become incredibly insecure, wondering if said person actually wants to be my friend, or if I scared them away by talking either too little or too much. Was I too vulnerable? Did I sound too opinionated? Was I too negative?

Am I too insecure?

We all want to be loved, and we all fear not having love. And for that reason, I question the demonization of insecurity. Instead, I think we need to treat it with acceptance.

Insecurity doesn't feel good, and treating insecurity in another person as though it is the plague is not helpful to anyone. We've got to cut the shame out of insecurity.

In order to accept insecurity, you must first recognize it where it exists. It is a feeling, one which must be examined. Where does it come from? Why is it there?

Once you recognize insecurity, you can begin to move past it. When it comes to my body insecurity, it helps to not look into mirrors or look at pictures of myself. At the same time, I know that this is my body, I've done my best with it, but gosh darn it, it deserves to feel the warmth of the sun and the glow of a spotlight. It deserves to be covered in glitter as it dances for a smiling audience.

And as for my emotional insecurities, I don't let them stop me from trying to forge new relationships. If someone does not want my friendship, I know that they are missing out on something awesome. I will still feel insecure at the beginning, and that is ok. Because in that case, the insecurity comes from not knowing- not knowing what will come of this relationship and not knowing what the other person is thinking. And who knows? Maybe that other person has the same insecurity.

What do you think about insecurity? Do you ever judge yourself or others for feeling insecure? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Leave a Comment acceptance, body image, happiness, insecurity, self confidence, self love

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Tending the Fire

A good fire needs several things: fuel, air, and a source. You should lay a base of some solid, dry wood, and then maybe top with some smaller pieces of wood as kindling. Add a fire-starter to the pile, and then set it on fire. You can fuel that with some strips of newspaper- those seem to really get the blaze going. To keep the fire blazing for long, you will need to be sure to add more kindling to the fire- a good fire requires tending.

Last week I felt like I had reached a point where my fire was no longer burning. I could see some glowing embers, but I was frustrated as to why the fire had died. So I stepped away from my blog for a bit, in order to tend to the creative fire within. I needed to learn a bit about how to keep a fire going so that I could put it into practice. With this time, I've been able to reflect and re-evaluate what I'm doing with this space, and I'm ready to get the blaze going again..

I realized my fire dwindled because I had gotten too caught up in the game of blogging; it seemed to be what all of the other bloggers were doing. Anyone who has known me very long could tell you I'm not one for playing those kinds of games- the keep up with the Joneses types of games. I love a good board game, but when I feel the competition is stacked against me, I'm likely to quit or throw some kind of fit. I hate competition, and I really hate when things feel unfair. 

And blogging began to feel that way. Like on huge popularity contest, where I never even intended to run with that crowd to begin with. I've never been popular. I've never been thin, tan, or blonde enough, and I can only manage to straighten my hair for special occasions. I've also never been able to give up my own beliefs and things I enjoy doing just to take up the beliefs that someone else has dictated as being "cool" and doing the same things that all the other cool kids do. I never was a partier: I had my first alcoholic drink two weeks after my 21st birthday, and to this day have never smoked anything, and I've never seen hard drugs. I'm a square. And I love that about me.

So I got worn out with blogging. My game-playing was getting me nowhere, and I began to feel lost. I'd lost my fire. I realized I didn't want to play the game- that's not what I signed up for. I only ever signed up to be me, to write whatever comes through my fingertips. To share my authentic self, which I do believe I have done thus far. But apparently there's more to blogging than just writing, and that is what has worn me down.

But it doesn't have to. Check the title of this blog.

So now, again, I'm Tossing the Script of blogging. I'm only going to tweet when I feel like it (like if I read something that makes me think of another blogger and I just need to share it with her), and I will only comment on other blog posts when I really connect with what the blogger is saying (which means no more link-ups for me, for now). It's probably not cool of me, but I need to do what is right for me. I need to fuel my own fire, instead of fanning someone else's.

Leave a Comment happiness, re-evaluation

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A Moment of Gratitude

This is Fox. If you've been around here long, you'd know that he is my nephew, my sister's son. Since I live with my sister, I get to see this boy every day.

One day, I will share with you the story of the day he was born. It was a very special day. He was even born on my dog, Lucy's birthday! But I am saving that story because it is special, and has more to do with my sister than with my nephew.

No, today I want to talk about Fox, and how grateful I am to have this time with him.

I've been feeling a bit of insecurity of late as to the fact that I am thirty (soon to be thirty-one) and I live in my sister's basement (which is a heck of a lot nicer than it sounds). I never imagined that at age thirty, I would not be living in a place of my own. But reality had other plans. For one, I do not do well living on my own (hello, severe depression), and the economy (and student loans) have required me to cut back spending on things like rent. Sometimes I just don't feel grown-up.

But that is the glass half-empty version of things.

Tonight reminded me how my glass is overflowing in a way that I will likely cherish for the rest of my days. After spending a little bit of time playing with Fox this evening, I asked him if he wanted to tell me night-night. He walked me to the baby gate that partitions off my sister's living room from the hallway, and then he waved bye-bye (which is part of his usual night-night ritual). He then kissed me through the rungs of the gate, and then he reached up his arms to me. He only recently began giving hugs, and tonight he wanted a hug in addition to his usual goodnight kiss. When I picked him up, he put his arms around my neck and rested his golden head against my shoulder. After I put him down, he reached up again, wanting one more hug. It was the sweetest moment, something he did entirely on his own. And that is when I realized that my insecurity is flawed.

If I didn't live with my sister, I wouldn't have such moments as this. Fox is already growing up so quickly, and his days as a toddler will pass before I know it. It's the small moments that I appreciate the most, and living with my sister's family means I get to spend lots of small moments with Fox. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

What sort of small moments make you feel grateful? I would love to hear form you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment Fox, gratitude, happiness, nephews

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Fabulous Fridays: Friday the 13th

Are you superstitious? Because today is Friday the 13th, so you best avoid black cats and walking under ladders. I'm not entirely superstitious, but every now and then I'll knock on wood for good measure.

In any case, it's Friday! And that means it's time for me to share what made this week fabulous. I've had a pretty good week, minus a ton of stress at work today and horrible traffic on my way to yoga. But that's what a glass full of Bordeaux is for, right?

Right. Here are a few of the things that made this week fabulous:

This purple ice cream is rocking my world right now.

I went wine tasting with my parents in Hood River, and enjoyed this lovely view from the alpaca farm.

Pizza always makes me do a happy dance.

My sister made me a headband from the alpaca wool we picked up in Hood River.

My Snail Mail Collective package arrived.

Before I wish you a happy weekend, I would like to introduce you to Aimee, the blogger behind Dear Harper. Not only does Aimee take beautiful photos, but she writes from the heart.

A few good reads from Aimee's blog to get you started are: Why I Blog, A Letter to You, Yes, YOU, and 10 Ways to Beat the Gloomies (and Be a Generally Happier Person).

You can also find Aimee on Twitter and Facebook. Go check this wonderful lady out- she'll brighten your day!

And now I'd like to hear, what made your week fabulous? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment fabulous fridays, happiness, sponsor

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Weekly Wishes for Confidence: September 9

Is it just me, or did this weekend fly by? I could use another weekend.

Reality is, it's Monday, and that means Weekly Wishes!

Last week, my wish was to complete the first seven days of the 30 Day Squat Challenge. I managed to keep up with it for the most part, skipping one day due to being so worn out I passed out on my couch at 9pm. Yep, some days I'm just an old lady. But I don't care, especially since I did some new, hard yoga classes this week. I do feel my glutes getting stronger, and my sister even pointed out that I"m finally getting a butt. Score.

As for this week's wish, I want to prepare a S.A.D. kit for the coming Fall and Winter. I get hit pretty hard by S.A.D. so I would like to be prepared this year. Nothing strips me of my confidence more than being in a low mood. This week I want to come up with an action plan for when I feel it hitting me, and a kit of things I can use to help fight it. I will share my kit with you all next week, and hopefully it can help anyone else who has the same issue.

What is your wish for this week? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment happiness, self confidence, strength, weekly wishes

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Fabulous Fridays: September 6

Happy Friday, my friends! This week was a short week and it sure went by fast. Thank goodness for that!

I've actually had a pretty good week, despite opening my car door on my nose last night (very painful, I do not advise). Here are just some of the things that have made this week fabulous:

Went to the farmer's market with this goofball.

Bought some dahlias to match my outfit at the market.

Spent time at the park with this adorable boy, his mom, and my pup.

Had fun with these boys during my family Labor Day cookout.

Both of the boys wanted on Papa's lap while we played a board game.

I made banana cake with cream cheese frosting and it was awesome.

Now, before I wish you all a happy weekend, let me introduce you to one of my sponsors (and blog friends and life twins), Erika!

Hi there! In the 4 years that I've had my blog, I've traveled to over 25 countries and have lived in a couple of different ones, too. Currently, I'm a twenty-something California native who has found home in the middle of Michigan. Say what?!? I'm not sure exactly how that happened either, but I like it here (for now, anyway).

When do you feel most confident?

When I feel in my element -- when I'm talking about something I know about.

What do you like to do to “treat yo’self?”

Get a massage (doesn't happen too often on a grad school budget!) :)

What is the best compliment you have received lately?

That someone liked something that I wrote and found it helpful! :)

Over on my blog, Chimerikal, I share my reflections on life and what I’m learning about practicing positivity in an authentic way. From "How to Build Your Blogging Confidence" to "Confessions of a Reluctant Vegetarian," it's a place where I love to share my experiences and connect with others. I hope you'll stop by!

For more links, check out these posts: Uncovering Your Niche and 27 Things I've Learned from Celebrities.

You can also find Erika on Twitter and Bloglovin'

I hope you will check her out if you haven't already! Now friends, I'd like to wish you a happy weekend! What made your week fabulous? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment fabulous fridays, happiness

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Weekly Wishes for Confidence: Labor Day Edition

Happy Labor Day, folks! This post is coming to you late because I have decided to enjoy the holiday weekend by spending less time online. It's been pretty nice so far.

Today I am linking up with Melyssa for Weekly Wishes, and if you recall, last week's wish was to dance with confidence during my belly dance performance on Wednesday night. How did I do?

I did great! It had been 9 months since I last performed solo, so I wasn't sure how I was going to do. I can get really nervous and shaky when I'm performing, but this time, I didn't! I was also particularly nervous because I had never performed a taksim before (this is a piece where the musician improvises with their instrument, and the dancer improvises with the musician- it is usually very slow), but afterward, one of the women in the audience told me it was the best she'd seen at this venue! It was such a great experience, and has renewed my passion for the dance.

Pre-performance smile test. Always dance with a smile!

For this week's wish, I want to build up some strength in my legs. Strong legs always make me feel confident, like I am capable of anything. You need strong legs to take you the places you want to go! So this week, I intend to follow along with the first seven days of the 30-day squat challenge. I've had trouble with my right knee due to weak glutes, so I am hoping that this will help me get stronger so that I can do all of the things I want to do, without pain!

How would you like to boost your strength or confidence this week? Have you ever done a fitness challenge? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment belly dance, bravery, happiness, self confidence, strength, weekly wishes

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Fabulous Fridays: Labor Day Weekend!!!

Hey, TGIF everybody! This Friday is extra fabulous because it is the Friday before a three-day weekend!

Let's get this party started with some fabulous things that happened this week!

Went to the farmer's market and had a tropical monkey crepe for breakfast!

Babysat this boy, and he read to himself. If this isn't cute, then I'm a purple dinosaur.

It's no secret, I love ice cream, and Ruby Jewel is the tops- especially cookies n cream soft serve!

Dinner with my dad at Fireside- delicious marinated olives, potatoes and broccoli with raclette, and s'mores! I'm in Heaven!

There were plenty more fabulous moments this week- Indian street food with a friend, dinner and a movie with another friend, and lots of toddler kisses and doggie cuddles. 

What made your week fabulous, dear readers? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment fabulous fridays, happiness

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5 Things

A few weeks ago, Jess tagged me in her 5 things post, so today I am finally jumping on board and doing my five things post!

5 Things I'm Passionate About

1. Food. I love food- eating it, learning about it, talking about it, sharing it, not sharing it, looking at it, thinking about it, reading about it. You get the idea.

2. Feminism. See yesterday's post.

3. Dancing. Not only do I love belly dancing, but I love other forms of dance as well. I've taken anything from tap to ballroom to Cajun/Zydeco, and I've loved it all. Except maybe modern dance- I sucked at that.

4. Yoga. I've gotten really into yoga this past year, and one of my life goals is to go through teacher training. Yoga has helped me feel more control over my body and my mind, and I think everybody could reap the same benefits.

5. France. I love France. I loved living there. I love the language, the people, the food, the history, the architecture, the countryside, the wine. I miss it. Can I go back now?

5 Things I Want to Do Before I Die

1. Write a book.

2. See the pyramids in Egypt.

3. Get married.

4. Inspire women to love their bodies.

5. Do a heasdstand without the help of a wall.

5 Reads I Love

1. Rules of Civility

2. Anne of Green Gables (the whole series)

3. Persuasion

4. The Thursday Next series

5. Currently, I'm loving The Paris Wife

5 Places I Want to Travel (and haven't been to)

1. Egypt

2. Turkey

3. Brazil

4. Bali

5. Charleston, S.C.

5 Movies I'll Never Get Tired Of

1. Midnight in Paris

2. Amelie

3. Hitch

4. Bridget Jones' Diary

5. Love Actually

Instead of tagging anyone on this post, I will leave it up to you, dear reader, if you would like to join in the fun! Create your own post, or simply answer some of the questions in the comments below!

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Fabulous Fridays: August 23

Happy Friday, party people! I am so ready for the weekend, and it is shaping up to be a great one! I have two yoga workshops with Kathryn Budig, and I hope to learn a lot from her! There is also talk of Indian food, so we shall see! That's a lot of exclamation points!

Anyway, it has been a good week, and here are just a few of the things that made this week fabulous:

Enjoying a stroll through my home town with my sister and nephew, and finding these beauties.

During said stroll, I received a lot of compliments on my dress, a compliment on my bangs, and a compliment on my sunglasses. I felt like a rock star.

I tried out a new-to-me yoga studio and it was divine.

I went to the zoo with a friend after work and found Rafiki.

 During a post-dinner stroll, a little girl biked past me and told me she liked my dress!

Caramel ice cream with a cinnamon-sugar donut at new restaurant, Ataula. Delish!

So many fabulous things this week, I can't even keep track! I'm sure I'm leaving a few out.

How about you all? What made your week fabulous? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment fabulous fridays, happiness

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Why I Don't Believe in Dieting

How do you feel about dieting? Have you ever tried one? If so, did it work for you?

Starting at age 10, I began having issues with my weight. As a teenager, I tried to diet, but the only thing that ever worked was eating only Cheerios for a week. I'm not kidding- I dropped a dress size and people noticed. Sadly, it took practically starving myself to get there.

In college, things changed and I managed to lose weight simply by not dieting, and I will share my tips below. But again, I ended up really losing weight when my anxiety kicked into full gear and I couldn't manage to eat much for 7 weeks while I worked at Disney World. I ended up needing to have my gall bladder removed due to the dramatic weight loss. Unfortunately, I put all of that weight back on when I went away to college and then more when I studied in France. I mostly blame the maxi pain au chocolat.

In college, I tried dieting. I tried cutting out carbs, I tried eating more vegetables, and I took so many phys ed classes, I should have lost weight. But I didn't. Nothing worked.

After college, however, things changed again, and I changed my lifestyle entirely. In roughly 3 years time, I lost 60 lbs and I have kept it off ever since. And not once did I diet. Instead, I took up running, starting out very slowly. I took up belly dance. I practiced yoga when I could. All the while, I did not deprive myself of the food I enjoy.

I will admit that I became a vegetarian in this time, and that certainly helped. I did not intend to become vegetarian long-term, I was just trying out a plant-based diet, but in the end, not eating meat really works for my body. I think that is the most important thing to understand- you need to eat what is right for your body, not what everyone else is or isn't eating.

What it all comes down to, in my opinion (note: I am not a dietitian or a doctor, I am just sharing what I have learned from experience), is choosing to be healthy. Dieting to lose weight is the silliest thing, and I feel like it is detrimental because the focus is all wrong. I have chosen to make a healthier lifestyle for myself, and it has made all the difference.

My tips for a healthy lifestyle:

• Try not to drink your calories. By this, I mean absolutely no soda. I was addicted in high school, but when I broke that habit, my body thanked me. Now the calories are more likely to come from wine or a cocktail, but I only drink those sparingly, and it is usually as a special treat.
• Cut out excess calories when possible. This means skipping mayo or butter when it isn't needed, or switching to nonfat milk instead of 2% or cream.
• Eat frequent, smaller meals instead of 3 large meals. I'm a grazer, and this is by far the key to my weight loss. I eat smaller portions about 5 times a day, sometimes 6. It's important to eat when you're hungry, and it balances your metabolism.
• Eat a piece of fruit as one of your snacks. I am a banana junkie. I will disregard any diet advice that says not to eat bananas because they make you fat. Bullshit. When I don't eat bananas, I get foot and leg cramps. Not fun. Bananas are nature's most portable snack! Eat up!
• Eat plenty of fiber! Being regular is key to managing your weight and your health. Fiber gets things going, and it also helps fill you up!
• Drink lots of water, all the live long day.
• Treat yo'self! You guys, it's not secret. I love cookies. I love ice cream. I love pastries, and puddings, and cakes. When I deprive myself of things things, I am more likely to binge on them. Therefore, I treat myself on the regular. I just don't eat the whole damn cake. A small slice will usually suffice. 
• Eat fewer processed foods. I discovered that I am allergic to corn, so a lot of processed foods are off-limits to me anyway. I don't believe in eating meat substitutes, often because soy does a number on my stomach. When it comes to treats, I prefer homemade baked goods over highly processed, chemical-laden cakes and cookies from the store. If you don't understand half the ingredients on the label, you probably shouldn't eat it. 

Remember, make it about your health, not your weight. I didn't lose weight until I stopped trying. Weird, huh? What I did do, however, was realize that I felt yucky on the inside, and there were a lot of things I wanted to be able to do that I couldn't. I wanted to run, to hike, to dance! So I did! Now I take care of myself, not to maintain my weight, but because I want to live a long, healthy life doing all kinds of wonderful things.

What are your thoughts? How do you feel about diets? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment body image, happiness, health, not dieting, self confidence, self love

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Fabulous Fridays: August 16

Happy Friday and TGIF! First, I want to wish my grandmother Louise a happy birthday in the sky- she was one of the most positive influences in my life. I'm gonna make sure to laugh hard at something today, because when I cackle, it reminds me of her cackle.

This week was mostly spent recovering from the virus of death, but it was not without its fabulous moments. Here are just a few:

That moment when I realized I was done with having a fever. Nothing says homestretch during a virus like being back in the 97-degree range.

Ice cream to soothe a sore throat.

Tea, cookies, and a chat with one of my newer good friends.

This girl, watching out the windows as my protectress.

Having dinner with all three of my nephews. Nothing makes a girl feel more special than three boys vying for her attention.

This stuff.

What made your week fabulous? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Leave a Comment fabulous fridays, happiness

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