I Like to Read: Quiet

Just a little lunchtime reading.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you're an introvert, how many times have you been prodded to "come out of your shell?" Or, how many times have you been forced to do group work, when you really shine as a solo worker? Have you ever based career decisions on whether or not a job is for introverts or extroverts?

These are some of the questions brought up in my mind as I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain.

The book starts out by talking about American society's bias toward extroversion, to the extent that the self-help industry has an entire niche aimed at helping people overcome introversion, like it's some kind of impediment to living a fulfilling life. I had never considered before that one need not be considered better than the other, but that's precisely what happens when you grow up in a culture that favors extroverts. After reading the first part of the book, I wanted to copy it and mail it to every person who ever asked me to come out of my shell, or who wondered aloud why I was so quiet.

What it all boils down to is that introversion is a preference toward a certain amount of solitude and quiet. Alternately, it is a matter of how one responds to stimuli. I know I become quite overstimulated in loud, active environments, and I do my best thinking on my own. It's not that I don't like being around people- quite the opposite. I just need a certain amount of down time after being around people for an extended period of time.

There were times in the book that I questioned whether or not I really was an introvert. I enjoy public speaking and performing (karaoke and bellydance), and Susan Cain never once mentioned introverts who enjoy performing (Michael Jackson being a prime example). She did talk about people whose jobs required that they act extroverted, but I would have loved to learn more about how creative professionals use introversion and extroversion, and why. I'm terribly nervous when I perform, but I still love doing it, and I'd love to understand why that is.

What I appreciated most about this book was that it told me that it's ok to need time alone. I'm known to be a bit snappy when people intrude on my alone time. I recall a recent episode wherein I'd had a pretty stressful day and commute, and when I arrived home to my apartment, I couldn't unlock my door. My new landlord had put a new lock on, and had actually moved into my old roommate's bedroom so that he could turn it into a studio. I was terribly uncomfortable with this, because my home space is sacred. As I was trying to unlock my door, the landlord came out and started talking to me. I was pissed off that my door wouldn't open, and I was in a hurry to get to my bellydance class. I told my landlord this in very clipped words, and he just fumbled around with the lock. Once it was all situated, I hurried up to change and get out my door, and as I turned on my car, my landlord came to my window and pestered me some more. I seriously just wanted to be left alone- I often don't want to talk after work. I was probably very rude to him, but I felt that my sacred space had been invaded, and I simply could not handle it. I was way overstimulated. And it's not my fault that I am this way. I am not a bad person for this. Before reading this book, I would have thought that it was all my fault and that I was just a bitch.

Introversion is not equal to bitchiness.

Thank God for Quiet.

Where do you stand on the introversion/extroversion scale? Have you read this book? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!

13 comments books, self confidence, self love, wisdom

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