How do you feel about insecurity? It is a trait that is greatly frowned upon and viewed as something shameful. Anyone who has ever been single has been told that insecurity is a big turn-off. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is insecure.
But is that really true? And what does that mean?
First, let's review the definition of insecurity:
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Consider the first part of the definition: "uncertainty or anxiety about oneself." Who has never felt that at some point in their life?
When I look back at my life so far, I can see the times when insecurity plagued me. When I was overweight, I was incredibly insecure about my figure. I still am from time to time, when I look in the mirror and see countless silver wisps across my hips, inner arms, stomach, and breasts. Or when I see that bulge of upper tummy that will never disappear, no matter how strong my abs are, nor how small I become. When I realize that I have never had a young, firm body, and nor will I ever. In theory, these thoughts and feelings mean I should never bare my skin in public.
And yet I do. I wore a bikini while I vacationed in Hawaii, all while questioning if the younger, fitter women were gazing in disgust at my extra skin that comes from losing weight and having poor skin elasticity. Then there are the times I perform belly dance in public, a dance whose very name calls for me to bare the one part of my body about which I feel the most insecure. So perhaps I am not so insecure as I thought.
But then.
There is an insecurity that permeates much deeper than my skin. An insecurity that comes from a deep desire to be loved and valued, not for what is on the outside of me, but for what is inside. I see my value, but I always wonder if others see it.
Making new friends, for instance. After a first or second encounter with a potential new friend, I become incredibly insecure, wondering if said person actually wants to be my friend, or if I scared them away by talking either too little or too much. Was I too vulnerable? Did I sound too opinionated? Was I too negative?
Am I too insecure?
We all want to be loved, and we all fear not having love. And for that reason, I question the demonization of insecurity. Instead, I think we need to treat it with acceptance.
Insecurity doesn't feel good, and treating insecurity in another person as though it is the plague is not helpful to anyone. We've got to cut the shame out of insecurity.
In order to accept insecurity, you must first recognize it where it exists. It is a feeling, one which must be examined. Where does it come from? Why is it there?
Once you recognize insecurity, you can begin to move past it. When it comes to my body insecurity, it helps to not look into mirrors or look at pictures of myself. At the same time, I know that this is my body, I've done my best with it, but gosh darn it, it deserves to feel the warmth of the sun and the glow of a spotlight. It deserves to be covered in glitter as it dances for a smiling audience.
And as for my emotional insecurities, I don't let them stop me from trying to forge new relationships. If someone does not want my friendship, I know that they are missing out on something awesome. I will still feel insecure at the beginning, and that is ok. Because in that case, the insecurity comes from not knowing- not knowing what will come of this relationship and not knowing what the other person is thinking. And who knows? Maybe that other person has the same insecurity.
What do you think about insecurity? Do you ever judge yourself or others for feeling insecure? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
What do you think about insecurity? Do you ever judge yourself or others for feeling insecure? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
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